My first {sleep} setback

Yesterday and last night sucked for me. I was so tired from the night before of crate training and having a whining puppy that I had not slept very well. I got an extra half hour but even that wasn't going to help me. By 6, I was exhausted and fading out of every conversation. I could feel the dead stare and my brain slowing everything down, but my eyes were staying open. I was so tired I kept thinking just 5 minutes would help, and then having Jose tell me I had to stay awake.

On our way home I was so tired my eyes kept shutting and Jose would bump me to keep me awake. I got home and went to the bedroom. I knelt down beside the bed and prayed for help staying awake. Though at the time I wanted nothing more than to climb into the bed and sleep. 

At 8 I curled up on the couch with a Dr. Pepper in hand and cried because I was so tired I couldn't think about anything but the headache creeping in and the hours I had left until I could sleep. 

One thing I had forgotten to ask the doctor was if I could go to sleep before the required time. Last night I got my answer. I was so tired that at 9:30 I crawled into bed and hoped that it would be for the night. No such luck. I woke up at 12:30 feeling refreshed and ready to do stuff, but I forced myself to lie there until I fell asleep. So I finally did, but I have to find a way to follow the schedule and not throw it off like that again.  

  

A Diagnosis {Finally}

I have always felt like my sleep habits were weird. Somehow they weren't right. I would not sleep at night, and instead sleep a lot during the day in a series of naps. During high school, this was each class period, followed by a nap after school.

Recently I have had a hard time falling asleep until 2, 3, or 4 in the morning. Then I would sleep until 12, 1, or 2, followed by a nap around 6 or 7. I've become so frustrated by it that a few months ago I went to the doctor requesting a sleep doctor. First we did a blood test and determined I was vitamin D and B12 deficient. So I started taking supplements and then got another blood test. With that, everything was normal, but my sleep habits had not changed. So I scheduled an appointment with a sleep doctor.

Yesterday, I took in my sleep journal, told the sleep doctor everything, and answered all his questions. Then I got the diagnosis.

Delayed Onset Sleep, or Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome 

"...is a neurological sleep disorder in which a person's sleep/wake cycle is delayed with respect to the external day/night cycle. The person is unable to fall asleep until the wee hours, typically somewhere between 2 am and 6am, and sleeps correspondingly longer in the daytime, often well into the afternoon."

Totally me.

So now begins the treatment process. We are going the natural route, trying to adjust my internal clock using habits and light to move the clock up. It's going to take at least 3 months to change the clock. If it works though I will be living a normal humans life schedule. That would be amazing. It would be the first time in my life that I feel like I can live like a normal person and not be tired all the time.

Go here if you want to know more.

A {new} chapter

This past week has been HARD. A week ago I said goodbye to my 1 1/2 year old puppy, Korah. She had passed away in Jose's arms within hours of me waking up and heading out on errands. It was completely unexpected. My only saving grace was that Jose held her as she left this world. It could have happened in so many different ways, but this way I didn't have to be there. I didn't have to see it. I can only thank Heavenly Father for that. I know that I would not have been able to handle it.

Since then I have grieved, and celebrated her life. I found several ways to honor her, and so many daily tasks that remind me of her. It's been really tough living in this apartment without a puppy though. I've had moments that I am totally fine, and others where I break down because there is no puppy to cuddle with and love until Jose comes home.

A few weeks ago Jose and I had talked about getting another dog. A border collie. We had emailed a few people and started looking at the finances for one. Once this happened, I thought it would be put on hold until at least November. But I have felt such an absence in my life that we hopped online a few days ago "just to look". We found the girl that would be our new puppy.

It's not that I am trying to replace Korah. I will always remember her. I just need my daily antidepressant cuddles from a puppy. And when you see this girl you will understand why I feel we couldn't wait for a different pup.